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The Jolly Joker Men and Women Jokes Quotes from Great Women Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong- The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)- I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber- Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. -Jan King- A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!" -Linda Ellerbee- Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily Tomlin- You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. -Geri Jewell- A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow- Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky- My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck- Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis- A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome- The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman- Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited- Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton- Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen- I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited- If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird- When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley- I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton- You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong- If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Graf! ! ! ton- I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr- I think---therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead- When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler- Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson- In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man--if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher- I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem- I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. -Marie Corelli- If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee- I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor- Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt- Source: e-mail Crafters Banner Exchange